It depends. You and I are going to have a particular way of connecting and an array of areas where we're compatible and incompatible, but if I were married to a different person, I would have a different array of characteristics where we're compatible and incompatible. The idea is to learn about yourself, learn about your partner, learn about the dynamics between the two of you, and then calibrate your expectations appropriately. [...]
I do think that sometimes people get divorced and end up happier because of it, and that’s probably not very rare. Or people often get divorced and meet someone else that makes them happier. So I wouldn’t tell people to “stick it out” if they’re miserable in their marriage.
On the other hand, there's something pretty great about building and sustaining a long-term marriage, growing old together, watching your kids have kids. I don't have an answer to your question other than to suggest that people should work hard to try to make the marriage as strong as possible, and if there comes a point where they say, "We do nothing but work. It's just nothing but work, and it's not fulfilling," then they might need to consider plan B. [...]
I think a reasonably good metric is something like this: We’ve spent years really trying to make the marriage work. Both of us have tried, and we don't seem to be able to get aligned. The issue at this point seems to be less about good will and effort, and more about a fundamental incompatibility. That is, the life you want to lead is incompatible with the life that I want to lead. That's when I think people should seriously consider that they might be better off apart.
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